A eulogy for “30 Rock”

“30 Rock” passes into television history Thursday night after seven seasons.

The show, beloved by viewers but not so much by its network, will be missed by millions of fans and A.V. Club critics. Its memory will live on in Netflix.

Thank you, “30 Rock,” for dealbreakers and Astronaut Mike Dexter. Thank you for the funcooker and “Queen of Jordan.” Thank you for Tyke Myson Baby Boxer and Bear vs. Killer Robots. Thank you for not-so-subtle pop culture references like Khonani, Kabletown and Regina Bookman. Thank you for giving Liz Lemon the husband and children she’s waited so long for. Thank you for shutting it down before it was too late. But, then again, it’s never too late for now. Thanks for that, too.

Goodbye to Liz Lemon, the neurotic head writer and “Star Wars” fan. Goodbye to Jack Donaghy, the Daddy Bear capitalist and telenovela villain lookalike. Goodbye to Jenna Maroney, the Jackie Jormp-Jomp star and Royal Tampa Academy of Dramatic Tricks alumna  Goodbye to Tracy Jordan, the lizard parent whose basketball hoop growing up was a rib cage, A RIB CAGE!

Goodbye to Kenneth Parcell, the Stone Mountain, Ga., albino goon who worked his way from NBC page to censor to janitor to president. Goodbye to Pete Hornberger, the near-Olympic archer and former Loverboy band member. Goodbye to the writers, with their one-liner hats, famous nephews, Harvard degrees and psychic police work. And goodbye to Liz’s string of unsuccessful relationships, from Dennis the ever-returning Irishman to the handsome yet dumb Dr. Drew to Floyd from Cleveland to Carol, the male pilot version of Liz.

I’ll miss Anna Howard Shaw Day and Liz’s stalker Hazel. I’ll miss baby Liddy and Dr. Spaceman, the new Surgeon General. I’ll miss Jonathan and Bon Jovi, NBC’s artist in residence. I’ll miss Pam, Oprah’s 12-year-old doppelganger, and Danny, TGS’s newest cast member. But I’ll miss the newest feminist icon, Liz Lemon, most of all.

As Kenneth said, life is for the living. We may never see new “30 Rock” episodes, but it lived a good, long life. We will continue to laugh at the rapid-fire one-liners as if there will be a new episode next Thursday. May “30 Rock” rest in peace and not be tarnished by spin offs.

In the name of the Jack, the Tracy and the holy Elizabeth Meirvaldis Lemon, amen.

View some of 30 Rock’s best lines here.

Contact CU Independent News Budget Editor Avalon Jacka at Avalon.jacka@colorado.edu.

Avalon Jacka

Avalon Jacka is a senior at the University of Colorado, studying News-editorial journalism and Russian studies. She loves music and hopes to incorporate it into her career someday. When she isn't doing homework, Jacka spends her time singing with the radio, analyzing television far too in-depth and hanging out with her friends. She has also been known to play Mortal Kombat on the PS2 and win. It is one of her greatest accomplishments to date. Contact CU Independent Entertainment Editor Avalon Jacka at Avalon.jacka@colorado.edu.

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