When we think of intimate partner abuse victims, what do we think? Who is the typical battered woman?
According to Anne Tapp, director of Safehouse Progressive Alliance for Nonviolence, there is no set of criteria that typifies a victim or a survivor of intimate partner abuse.
“It can happen to anyone,” Tapp said. “There is absolutely no social group that is immune to experiencing violence and it happens very slowly and suddenly sometimes.”
She said, however, younger women are most likely to get involved in abusive relationships for the simple fact that younger women, especially those in college, date more often.
“Young women are at the highest risk for intimate partner violence,” she said. “It’s been known for a while. At some level, it’s because there’s a lot more dating that happens when you’re younger. People are still in the dating mode so there’s more access. That’s the most basic reason.”
Mary Friedrichs, director of CU-Boulder’s Office of Victim Assistance, said she and her colleagues work on many cases of intimate partner abuse, particularly with young couples who live together. She said there are aspects of college life that make intimidation and control a more common occurrence.
“In the student population, because of the particular lifestyle, there are certain things that we might see here that one might not see so much in another setting besides the college university setting,” Friedrichs said.
For example, living and working so closely together can be used as a tool for control and intimidation, she said.
“We have had cases in this office of students who are living together and the controlling partner has so much control that they are taking all the same classes, they share the same set of books,” Friedrichs said. “So if the other partner wants to leave, she/he is faced with not having books, not being able to go to class, and things like that.”
Friedrichs said isolation is also common in the university setting.
“Some of the stalking behaviors include showing up at the door of the class to escort the person to the next place or home, so that they don’t talk to anybody, so that they don’t go anywhere else, so they don’t do anything,” she said. “Isolating people is always one of the things that controlling people can do.”
Friedrichs said although it is absolutely not the sole contributing factor for violence, alcohol is still highly correlated to it.
“In the same way that alcohol is very highly associated with sexual assault on college campuses, often alcohol is involved in physically violent episodes, but not exclusively,” she said. “It certainly is not the reason for it, though it is highly correlated.”
Tapp said she agrees that alcohol can be a tool for an abusive individual to exercise his or her control, but that it is not the sole reason for the violence.
“Alcohol doesn’t cause intimate partner violence, but it does escalate it,” Tapp said. “It’s a dis-inhibitor, so people can use it to justify more extreme or violent behavior. It also gets tricky for survivors, because they tell themselves: when he’s not drinking, he’s a really nice guy.”
In terms of what victims can do if they start to notice controlling behaviors, Tapp said open communication, especially between women.
“One of the reasons why violence becomes so secret is that we tend to be embarrassed to talk about the bad things in relationships,” Tapp said. “We don’t want to alienate a friend or intrude on a friend when we feel that we shouldn’t. But in fact, our network of friends can be our base of safety to provide an outside eye into our relationships.”
Tapp also said combating these types of relationships is not solely the responsibility of women.
“It really has to start with men holding each other accountable,” she said. “It is a very unusual man that is able to confront his friends about these issues. The starting place is to really become familiar with the early signs of an abusive or controlling relationship and recognizing it with men.”
George Hoey, the assistant director of diversity for CU’s Career Services, who also co-founded the CU group Men Confronting Violence, said men play as crucial a part as women do in the effort to battle sexual and physical gender-based violence.
“If we don’t somehow corral our energy and have a unified approach among men themselves, how can we expect to make any significant gains in whatever period of time?” Hoey said. “Unless there is a conscious movement especially by the leadership in this campus, I don’t know how much is going to change.”
Hoey said active participation and accountability by men is important because men who inflict violence against women are at a personal fault and should take responsibility.
“Gender-based violence is more of a men’s issue than it is a women’s issue,” Hoey said. “And we can talk about a unified approach, we can talk about some of the conditions that exist, we can talk about some of the victims in gender violence situations, but it comes down to individual persons who have to take responsibility for their actions or behaviors.”
With regard to what men at CU can do to work against violence, Hoey said individuals should first take personal responsibility for their behaviors and actions, and getting together in groups comes second.
“For me, it more so comes down to individual choices, it really does,” Hoey said. “But I know, too, that we are social beings and we are influenced by our peers tremendously. In that regard, if we are able to get messages out to various populations, and maybe some individuals can influence their peers.”
Seeking help from voices of authority, Friedrichs said, is the best way for an individual in an abusive relationship to make an informed decision about actively improving their situation.
“Please, talk to somebody who knows about the issue,” she said. “What I think people fear, and perhaps with some reason, is that they’ll be told to leave. If they’re not ready to leave, then they don’t want to talk to somebody. Those are the kinds of shameful experiences or feelings that many victims and survivors have.”
For more information about CU Victim Assistance, visit their website at http://cuvictimassistance.com/ or call 303-492-8855.
To reach Safehouse Progressive Alliance for Nonviolence’s 24-hour Crisis line, call 303-444-2424.
For more information about Safehouse Progressive Alliance for Nonviolence, visit their website at http://www.safehousealliance.org/index.cfm.
Contact CU Independent Staff Writer Neda Habibi at Neda.habibi@colorado.edu.
