Opinion: Why we can’t let Zucker go into politics

NBC CEO Jeff Zucker. (Courtesy Photo)
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Jeff Zucker just got the can! He’s the NBC Chief Execu-dick-ive Officer who made such wise calls as firing 700 employees; including firing Kevin Reilly, as well as approving the sitcom “Joey”.

Oh, by the way, he’s also the guy who murdered the Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien. He also never answered my emails.

Did somebody say karma? Yes. I’m guessing it was probably God.

I can remember Conan’s last show. I remember the seemingly impossible correlation between humor and sadness at that moment. I remember Conan taking the high road, and telling me not to give up on my dreams. I remember crying with my roommates. (It was manly-crying, but crying none-the-less.)

If you think Conan deserved to be fired, I implore you to gouge your eyes out with a spork.

Conan was a great host for the Tonight Show legacy. He had respect for the show and for his fans. Not to mention his positive attitude after he was ousted from his hosting position.

There are now two things I want a tattoo of: Jesus and Conan O’Brien.

About a year after this, I find myself at Buchanan’s Coffee Pub with a smile. Jeff Zucker, the idiot who removed Conan, has been fired. While I would have preferred lightning to the face, a pink slip should do.

I should also say that I am a horrible example of Conan’s fan base. Conan shows respect, and he asked us to do so as well. Keep this in mind, you Jay-Leno-loving sons (or daughters) of jackals, that I’m the one rubbing this in your face, not Conan.

But this article isn’t about Conan, or his new show airing on TBS Nov. 8. It’s about the dodo that fired him, Jeff “Kitten Killer” Zucker.

In a recent interview with The Hollywood Reporter’s Georg Szalai, Zucker said he was “interested in politics.”

I can say nothing. My brain has imploded from the stupidity that Zucker thinks he could ever succeed in politics. This has caused a black hole to rupture between the two sides of my brain. By the time this article is finished I’ll have the IQ of a palm tree.

Can you imagine if this man was in charge of your state government? Or the government of the United States? He fires people in tune with the current generation, and then replaces them with clones of (probably) Richard Nixon.

He’d probably get California out of debt by evicting every citizen and then sinking the state in the ocean to get insurance money. Actually, that’s too good of an idea. He wouldn’t evict the citizens, and he’d probably attempt to use Jell-o to put the state in cryostasis.

I think it’s obvious by the fact that Comcast is firing him that he can’t do his job. Comcast is all about making money. If the cable company has ever ripped you off, you know what I mean. This means Zucker sucked at his job.

After being fired by Zucker, Kevin Reilly is now Fox’s entertainment president. He is the man who brought “Glee” to television as nothing. It’s only “ranked #1 in adults from 18-49 in its time period last fall.”

And then, in a case of irony I find almost despicable, Zucker states his biggest regret. In the same interview where he claimed he wanted to go into politics, he said that his greatest regret was that “we weren’t able to turn NBC entertainment around quickly.” Note the words “quickly” and “turn around.”

News flash Oedipus, you didn’t turn it around at all.

Unfortunately NBC entertainment wasn’t “turned around” at all from his decisions. “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” is doing worse than when Conan was hosting the show.

People protested the end of Conan’s show and Zucker did nothing.

Blame-game to the max. Politics are bad enough without Zucker.

I took to heart what Conan said on his last Late Night show. I honestly wish Señor Zucker the best of luck after his termination.

But there are some things that just shouldn’t happen. Zucker should not go into politics, because he won’t win. In politics, people decide, not Jeff Zucker.

Contact CU Independent Staff Writer Clifford Brice at Clifford.brice@colorado.edu.

CU Independent

The CU Independent, or CUI for short, is the student news outlet for the University of Colorado at Boulder. We cover news, sports, politics, opinion, arts and entertainment and more. Our mission is to provide news and commentary that's for students and by students — about the things we care about.

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