UCSU, the governing body that has served as the object of my contempt and disdain for nearly my entire tenure as a student, once again faces the task of balancing the budget. And throwing a wrench in that plan is Wardenburg Health Center’s whopping request for an 18 percent budget increase.
Thankfully, this year’s tri-executives – senior finance major Charles Johnson, junior architecture major Ashley Nakagawa and senior anthropology major Andrew Aitchison – have been outspoken in their commitment to make cost centers like Wardenburg fiscally responsible.
For once, students are graced with a UCSU administration committed to fiscal responsibility. Instead of tri-executives dropping more Benjamins than a trust-fund kid on Rodeo Drive, they seem to be trying to keep some in the bank. And for that, I commend them. Charles, Ashley and Andy – let me buy you a beer sometime.
I’m serious. The Campus Press office is in the Armory, room 206B. Hit me up, and we can go to flip night at the Sink.
But until we get that brewski, I have one request: Don’t give Wardenburg any more money.
I’m sympathetic to Wardenburg director Gary Chadwick, who undoubtedly faces a difficult task after the exit of former director Bob Cranny. Times are tight for public institutions, and Chadwick no doubt has the best interests of students at heart. After all, no one takes a job like that for glory. Public administrators don’t get fat paychecks, harems of women and chromed-out Hummers.
But, I repeat myself: Don’t. Give. Wardenburg. Any. More. Money.
For one, student fees are already high enough. Even though I won’t be paying them next year (Jesus Christ, graduation can’t come soon enough), my younger brother will. The cost of a college education is simply out of control, and there’s no reason to put any more strain on the college kid’s wallet.
Second, I can’t fathom any overwhelming need to keep some of the programs Wardenburg may have to cut. Campus Press staffer Vanna Livaditis reported on Feb. 17 that the Community Health Program, the STARS substance-abuse program and the MusculoSkeletal physical therapy program may all face cuts.
Community Health? I say good riddance to the program renowned for doling out condoms like they were MRE’s in Baghdad. It’s not my responsibility to make sure some schmuck freshman puts a helmet on his soldier. The idea of students funding that is tacitly absurd, so I won’t cry if it goes away.
It was also reported that the HIV testing would carry a $10 charge if the budget increase is denied.
Boo. Hoo. HIV isn’t like the flu, something contracted through no fault of your own. Usually, it takes something irresponsible – like, oh, unprotected sex – to end up with that. Forcing a little personal responsibility can’t be so bad. If you’re grown up enough to march into an HIV death trap, then you’re grown up enough to pay for the test yourself.
The STARS program saw 35 students last semester, Wardenburg health board representative Matt Leroue said at Tuesday’s finance board meeting. Aside from it not being my responsibility to fund an addict’s recovery, that’s an awfully low number to force payment from 30,000 students, however minute.
And while I admittedly see the value in the MusculoSkeletal program, I’m confident there is a way to keep it without keeping more of my money.
I encourage UCSU to collectively enforce fiscal accountability and deny this hefty budget increase.
If the tri-execs do, that offer for beer will stay on the table. And that won’t come out of anyone’s student fees.
The Gregorian Rant is a weekly column tackling the issues facing the CU community in a decidedly unsavory fashion. Send death threats and hate mail to Campus Press copy editor and resident sonovabitch Greg Schreier at Gregory.Schreier@colorado.edu.
