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Before the world was a media-addicted mess, citizens didn’t have the option of logging onto the entertainment website of their choice and getting a dose of pop culture. Twitter was not around to send text alerts about various breaking news updates. Back in the day, people had to hop on their dinosaurs and ride a few miles to their neighbor’s house in order to pass along the gossip.

Eventually, newspapers and radios made their debut, and news was made more widely accessible to the public. Oral tradition was no longer relied on since media platforms [like the Internet] allowed people to get their news more conveniently. This coincided with the switch from being able to speak eloquently, to sounding like an idiot when verbalizing anything.

Amanda Seyfried in Mean Girls. (Courtesy of IMDb)

I have a hard time believing that at some point in our educational experience, like, everyone had a strict Valley Girl teacher who would, like, make her students practice inserting “like” into their sentences. I don’t understand where this phenomenon began, but I do know that it makes you sound, like, really stupid.

I can barely focus on what you’re, like, saying because you interrupt the flow of your sentence so much, and then I, like, go to respond and find that I’m just as guilty of committing this linguistic crime. Spare me the handcuffs. I’ll, like, go in peace.

As if your “like” inundation didn’t already have me doubting your credibility, your insistence on making every sentence sound like a question isn’t helping your case. You are telling me declarative statements, but your voice inflection is increasing as the sentence goes on? I’m not sure whether or not to trust the words coming out of your mouth, because even you don’t seem to believe yourself? If you’re going to say something, at least say it with authority. Although the only subject I would grant you authority on in the first place is TMZ.

Instead of reading your fifth article of the day on the Kardashian split, I have a more useful suggestion. Break out the dictionary and look up the meaning of the word “literally.”  My handy online dictionary tells me that “literally” means “without exaggeration or inaccuracy.”

That’s strange, because despite the fact that you just told me your head is literally killing you, I see no sign of struggle or bloodshed. Your statement is full of exaggeration and inaccuracy. That is literally the exact opposite word you want to use. There’s no need to make yourself a compulsive liar just to add emphasis to your story. I probably wasn’t listening anyway.

There’s the problem. Nobody is going to listen to you if you sound like an uneducated fool. During a time when the voice of our youth is so important and impactful to social activism, wouldn’t it be beneficial to have a voice that comes across as confident and intelligent? For the sake of the future of our nation, speak up and speak articulately. Choose your words thoughtfully, and deliver them with power and precision.

All we have is this one voice, and it would be such a shame to, like, waste it.

Contact CU Independent Staff Writer Lizzy Hernandez at Elizabeth.hernandez@colorado.edu.