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From being at CU over the past four years, I have noticed that spring semester always tends to be harder than fall. The instructors end up cracking down on assignments and their attendance policy more, for some reason. Typical excuses, such as your grandma died or that your dog ate your homework, won’t work anymore. For the average student, or, if you’re like me, “the lazy student,” spring semester is a pain in the ass. Luckily, there are a few tips that you can use to enjoy all the exciting, or “alcoholic,” activities that spring semester offers and still be able to pass your classes.
I think it’s so funny that every semester instructors tell me that I will fail their class if I don’t go. To be honest, as long as you read every day you should be fine. On the first day, make a friend in the class and ask them to sign you in everyday. Bribe them with weed, alcohol or free food and they should be more than willing to do it. Anyway, thanks random blonde girl for signing me into American Politics everyday: you saved my ass. I hope you enjoyed all that free booze I bought you.
Make your instructor your new best friend
I don’t know how much I can stress this, but it is sooooo important that you form some type of relationship with your instructor. During those times in the semester when you are struggling, or at a borderline “C” to “B,” it is important that your teacher actually knows who you are. By having a relationship with them, maybe they can help you out and bump you up a little. I highly recommend that you ask your teacher out for a coffee or for drinks. Hell, you can even ask them to get a pitcher. Just do something with them. Make them feel like they are your new best friend, because when it comes to the end of semester, and you need an extra boost in your grade, they might be more willing to do it since they, at the very least, will know your name.
To be able to handle this semester, you might have to work out or do something similar to clear your head. There might be a time when you will feel like you are becoming a crazy person. During times like these, I highly recommend working out or taking long walks on the beach … or that shitty park on The Hill (whichever’s closer). Maybe steal your roommate’s dog and walk it around The Hill. Just do a little bit of exercise to clear your head so that you don’t go crazy.
Learn to love caffeinated substances
If you are a procrastinator, like me, you will need caffeine to be able to survive this semester. There will be a time during the semester that you will experience that lovely “all-nighter” or, as I like to call it, “night of hell”. There might be night(s) you are stuck in Norlin or somewhere else on campus until the crack of dawn, either writing a paper, studying or doing some stupid project that you procrastinated on. To be able to handle those nights, caffeinated substances will become your best friend. Caffeine will be the reason you are able to do all the fun activities of spring semester and still manage to get an “A-” on that 10-page research paper that you did all of on the night before it was due.
Do I need to say anything else? As I’ve said before, there are many alcoholic activities to partake in during the spring semester. There’s the X-Games, Saint Patty’s Day, skiing every week; plus it is so f*cking cold that there is nothing else to do but drink. Also, from all the stress that you’ll be experiencing during spring semester, you are going to need a drink.
Contact CU Independent Grapevine Contributor Alex Myers at firstname.lastname@example.org.