“They call me the slot machine, you never know what you will get.”
“I was gonna go abroad in the spring, but then I got a boyfriend.”
“I was just at Oktoberfest in Denver…those basement nights came in handy!”
…What are you doing in your basement?
“When you think about it, they should just call me the Queen of Chlamydia.”
A royal title for sure.
“What if you got an Uber but an ambulance showed up instead?”
That’s probably not your Uber tbh.
“I tricked my boyfriend into thinking there’s a three-hour time difference between here and Chicago. It gives me three extra hours to get FREAKY.”
Your poor boyfriend. :(
**Exchange between an inebriated couple.**
Guy: “You’re kind of a shitty person.”
Girl: “Well my parents got divorced so I hope you wouldn’t say that…but I forgive you.”
Communication is key, everyone.