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I believe in sex positivity. Because, let’s face it, sex has a huge impact on our lives. Whether we are having it, not having it, having a lot of it, having it for the first time, having it casually, having it with a lover, or having it with a spouse, “it” follows us way beyond the bedroom. When we are happy and comfortable in the bedroom, we are happy and comfortable out of the bedroom.
However, it isn’t always so easy to be comfortable. Sex is still a taboo word. Let’s just say it isn’t an acceptable conversation starter in the office. Even with close friends we can put up a façade. We pretend we have more of it, less of it, none of it, or whatever answer is most acceptable to fit into the social context we are in. And on top of all that, we live in a society that sends us very conflicting messages about sex.
On one hand, sex sells. And it is used to sell us things every day. There are the obvious examples of alcohol, cigarette and cosmetic advertisements, but it doesn’t stop there. Today I saw a seductive “Got Milk?” ad. In fact, I’d be hard pressed to think of a product that hasn’t used sex in its advertisements. There always seems to be a model giving me alluring eyes from a magazine page telling me “if only you had this product you would get laid.”
But then why is it still so hard to walk confidently up to the cash register with a box of condoms? And Heaven forbid that you wanted to buy some KY Jelly. On the way to the check-out stand we are bombarded not only by a troop of sexy advertisements, but also by the judging stares of our sex-negative peers.
There are too many social rules in our sex-negative society to keep up with. Women who have “too much” sex are labeled “sluts” while men with active sex lives are “studs.” There are rules about who you can sleep with, and how many at a time. There are rules about what activities are acceptable and which are not. Why is it that “nice” people are only allowed to have sex in the missionary position in movies?
Everything we do with our pants down is supposed to be kept hush-hush. And yet, we find it our democratic right to know the personal scandals of our politicians, celebrities and athletes. We aren’t allowed to talk about the very same topics plastered across the headlines of tabloids that stare back at us from the grocery line.
We are drowning in a sea of mixed messages. We are being judged, pressured and flat-out confused on all fronts. It is hard enough to be comfortable with our own sexuality, let alone share it with anyone else (doctors, partners, etc.). It is all too much to keep up with.
I say, down with the rules. Sex is personal. Each person has different wants and boundaries, different attractions and different tastes. Even for an individual these things change over time. They change depending on mood, stress, company, the time of the month and the time of the day. And that is okay. It’s all okay—as long as it is consensual and everyone involved is comfortable.
So, let’s talk about sex. Let’s talk about it using our outside voices and with positive and supportive language. Please, no more “ew,” “gross,” or “dirty” used to describe and judge another person’s behavior. No more “that person is a whore,” or “what a prude.” And please, no more giggles or stares of death if you see someone purchasing a box of condoms. Let’s talk about it with our partners, and our doctors. And let’s take care of each other and support one another.
I believe in sex positivity, because the sooner we begin to accept each other for who we are and stop judging each other for something so personal, the sooner we can start being comfortable with our own sexuality. And that is something we can all look forward to.
Contact CU Independent Staff Writer Georgianne Cotton at Georgianne.cotton@colorado.edu.
