As Valentine’s Day comes and goes on this, the year of the Women’s March and other massive feminist movements, I find myself thinking about the women around me. Sometimes it’s hard to figure out your place in this world, as things are always changing. I once learned that every human being has the same three fundamental desires: to be safe, to be liked and to belong.
These three desires are a simple fact of life that all humans share and there is nothing wrong with it. It just comes down to the question of, how far are we willing to go to receive that gratification? The desire to be cherished and appreciated is natural: of course, it feels good. But on the flip side, there are always going to be people out there who just don’t agree with the way you live your life. Without accepting that fact, moving on becomes hard to do.
And when it comes to boys … many of my girl friends will go the limit to make sure that boys like them. It’s not just about flattery, it becomes a matter of defining their own worth. A standard of boy lives in their head. When he turns up at a party and doesn’t show them attention or treat them well, they take it as a reflection of who they are. That being said, a lot of girls begin to reorganize their day-to-day priorities in order to impress this specific pedestal-sitting type of person. Clothing is worn with the intent to impress boys. Their Instagrams are posted based off of how many boys will “like” it. And the attention received by this delivers the confidence and gratification that girls need to feel good and to keep trying.
But when does trying that hard get to the point of exhaustion? Women have fought long and hard for independence. No girl deserves to feel like she needs the approval of a boy to feel good about herself.
When little weekend flings or one-night stands don’t work out, the “what’s wrong with me”s and “why aren’t I good enough”s start rolling in. I’ve heard statements like, “My boyfriend is an ass-guy, so I go to the gym every day to make sure my butt is good enough for him.”
GIRLS, NO! The flip needs to be switched. Instead of the eager, and (I hate to say it, but) pathetic attitude taken towards boys, women need to exude self-defined confidence. Honestly, people need more of a “love yourself” attitude. Girls need to get out there and do their own thing and not care which boys are going to notice them that night. Dress up to feel great in your own skin. And if you aren’t a fundamentally confident person, fake it ’til you make it, sista. You may find that a lot of people actually gravitate towards the confident, comfortable, “I don’t need you” demeanor.
What I’m really trying to say is: you are enough. Who you are at the very core of your being is enough, and while it may not be what every person is looking for, it’ll be enough for the right people. We all want to be liked but no one can be liked by everyone. If a boy doesn’t call you after a night of fun, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. You’ll get there, and the people who are supposed to stay in your life will. So just do your thing. Be the best version of you that you can be, and then you will be able to recognize which boys actually do deserve you and which ones don’t. As said by Professor Stromwell in one of the best girl-power movies around, Legally Blonde, “If you’re going to let one stupid prick ruin your life, you’re not the girl I thought you were!”
Contact CU Independent Opinion Columnist Julia Spadaro at julia.spadaro@colorado.edu.
