I Hate Everything: Post-election complaining

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The people of America elected Barack Obama for four more years in office, and my ovaries and I are sighing in relief. I am an avid supporter of our president and strongly believe in his ideals and vision for our country; thus, the moment he reached a victorious number of electoral votes, I could be found exercising my right to party — more specifically, running celebratory laps around my room.

However, I understand this was not the case for everyone.

(Josh Shettler/CU Independent Illustration)

Some people sank back in their chairs, defeated because the candidate they so desperately desired, campaigned and voted for would not soon be sitting in the Oval Office. Had Obama lost the election (as I typed those words an unsettling shudder shot up my liberal spine) I know that I would have felt incredibly discouraged. I probably would have posted some snarky updates on various social media outlets and ranted with like-minded friends. I understand the need to vent about something that consumed you for a seemingly endless period of time and did not turn out the way you had hoped.

A point has been reached, however, where my patience for these knee-jerk, passion-driven reactions is no longer existent. The votes are in, America has decided and no amount of Haterade you drink will change the results. As a citizen of this democratic nation, it is time to accept the re-election of Obama and put forth an effort to cease contribution to the division of the country.

The paragraph-long Facebook statuses I continue to see, dripping in venomous slander against the president, are contributing nothing beneficial to a nation that the slanderer claims to care about so deeply. Asserting such patriotism while simultaneously undermining the elected leader is blatantly hypocritical.

We must look past lingering resentments and prove that we are not a polarized nation. This country cannot succeed if it is at war with itself, so the incisive opposition must be dealt with. The Divided States of America just does not roll off the tongue very well.

For those who disagree and feel as though they simply cannot share a continent with a president like Obama, I encourage you, with the utmost sincerity, to elicit your inner-nomad and explore your residency options. Let’s hope you immediately take a liking to your new home, as expressing a nasty political opinion may or may not result in your execution. But you would never choose a country that oppressive… Canada may be an ideal option. I hope you are comfortable with a universal, publicly-funded healthcare system and that you meet one of Canada’s permanent residency requirements as stated by the official Citizenship and Immigration Canada website, such as having a work skill that is currently in demand, knowing a politician there who can lobby to nominate you or, you know, being a refugee.

I’ll personally send you an American flag as a housewarming present so you never forget your roots.

Listen, I’m not expecting the whole nation to hold hands and give a rousing rendition of Kumbaya — although part of me thinks that that would be kind of cool. I’m just saying that, in order for this whole “betterment of the country” thing to happen, we have to try to work together a little bit.

In the words of the president from his victory speech: “I believe we can seize this future together, because we are not as divided as our politics suggests. We’re not as cynical as the pundits believe. We are greater than the sum of our individual ambitions, and we remain more than a collection of red states and blue states. We are, and forever will be, the United States of America.”

Contact CU Independent Staff Writer Lizzy Hernandez at Elizabeth.hernandez@colorado.edu.

Elizabeth Hernandez

Elizabeth Hernandez is a news-editorial major who sees the world in terms of satirical material. She can usually be found reading the news with her head in her hands, furiously writing op-eds, watching cat videos, or judging people's Instagram feeds.

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