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Dating once consisted of a courtship in which the two parties could not touch and were accompanied by a chaperone wherever they went. But in today’s world dating has taken on a new face, a fast paced fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants free for all.
Imagine this: your parents get to pick your mate and get to decide when you go out and where you go out. They accompany you on the date and then, ultimately get to decide if you will marry this person or become intimate with them.
Does this seem a little controlling and overprotective?
The answer is yes to most people, which is why a new form of dating has taken shape. This new form has rules but they are not as concrete and solid as the ones of the past.
For instance, a date is no longer as simple as guy calls girl, girls says yes, guy picks girl up, guy pays for dinner, guy takes girl home and the night will hopefully end with a good night kiss.
Well you can kiss good-bye this image of dating because now it has become almost obsolete with this new idea of what exactly constitutes a date.
“It’s less traditional now and there isn’t as much structure,” said Jeff Rideout, a senior history major. “I think all of the rules have gone out the window.”
Dating has now become more about whether you could see yourself hooking-up with this person or not, not so much whether you could see yourself marrying them.
“I think that today, a guy’s idea of dating is to go to a party or bar and just hook-up because the traditional term of dating is disappearing and people are becoming more casual,” Rideout said.
Not to mention that sex on the first date has become a growing trend. In the past, what seemed to be such an irrational decision has now gained popularity.
According to a poll conducted by ABC News, 29 percent of Americans have admitted to having sex on the first date.
But is this concept so wrong? Why not get to the point? Eventually after people have been dating awhile sex seems to be the next big step in the relationship. Is this really a bad idea?
“I believe it puts you in the wrong frame of mind,” said Meghan Brannick, a senior psychology major. “I think it’s bad if you want anything serious.”
Some may take this stance and others may say it opens up the lines of communication more and allows each person to feel 100 percent comfortable with each other. But remember there is no clear answer to this question.
According to an article by Emile-Anne Smith, a noted sex columnist, sex on the first date is all perceived by how we view it in our minds and what we where taught when we where younger by the people who raised us. Old fashioned people will say it is bad, the not so old fashioned generation will say it is good.
Considering this, sex on the first date is left completely up to each individual person. If you are the kind of person who wants to show your dating partner, physically, what you are feeling emotionally, then by all means have at it and enjoy yourself. But in the end it must be considered that sex on the first date will not guarantee a call the next day.
If you are one of those people who likes to live by the more traditional rules of dating, then sex on the first date is out of the picture. What your choice is should only be the right choice for you and who you are. No one can tell you any different.
Following the traditional rules too can cause more harm than good in some cases. So yes, some people believe sex is taboo on the first date, while others follow the strict rules of what to do and what not to do while on a first date.
As a college student we seem to be running every which way; working on this project tonight, meeting with your group tomorrow and studying over coffee for one of your exams. With this said, the common dating rules have become distorted and a date seems to be taking place almost anywhere at anytime.
“I think a date is anything where both of you agree it is a date and it doesn’t matter anymore if the guy pays or not, a date is a date,” Brannick said. “For example, coffee could be a date now or watching a movie at someone’s house, just as long as the two of you are hanging out alone, I consider it a date.”
In this case, there are certain things to remember on a date that can help just about anyone remember how to act decently.
Dating do’s can range from: opening up doors for women, not talking about your past failures in relationships (it makes you seem boring), trying to look your best, being punctual, talking about who you are and what you like but not giving too much away, keeping that mysteriousness about you and remembering to be honest and upfront.
Some classic dating no-no’s include: don’t lie on a first date because if it turns out to be a long term relationship you already set yourself up for mistrust, don’t seem too available, you want them to make an effort to see you, an obvious one to some but not to others, don’t check out a person of the opposite sex while you are on a date and finally make sure to pay attention to your date, don’t ignore them and begin to think about what may happen after you leave the restaurant or wherever, listen to what they are saying.
The world of dating is crazy out there these days. Always remember to be who you are and to not put on an act or show for anyone. If you want to go out with someone, just ask. What is the harm in that?
Following all of the traditional dating rules may work for you, but if it doesn’t then bend the rules to fit yourself.
Contact staff writer Elizabeth Stortroen at Elizabeth.Stortroen@thecampuspress.com